im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk is a universal language darling
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