ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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