im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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