plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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