hell yes lets make some ravioli
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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