i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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