I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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