just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
