I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
