i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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