Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
