theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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