bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
