kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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