Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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