I'm drive I can fine osifer
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
