did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
