i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
