I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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