After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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