bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
