You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
