I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
