i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
