Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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