My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
