moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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