Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
