if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
