Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
