The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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