Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
