Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
