whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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