The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
