Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.

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(702): View more from Nevada

shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?

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(954): View more from Florida

I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

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Read it at the TFLN blog
(989): View more from Michigan

Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

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(406): View more from Montana

i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.

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(205): View more from Alabama

It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.

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(813): View more from Florida

I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.

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