He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
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do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning