margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.