Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!

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(904): im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend! http://tfl.nu/e3rl

Replies (50) Good night (3374) Bad night (1259)
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(917): View more from New York City

She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.

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(917): She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun. http://tfl.nu/sejn

Replies (23) Good night (2988) Bad night (922)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot

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(570): six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot http://tfl.nu/fwe0

Replies (9) Good night (3990) Bad night (765)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?

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(919): How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs? http://tfl.nu/a2dd

Replies (38) Good night (2367) Bad night (3602)
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(253): View more from Washington

so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

(1-253): View more from Washington

because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

(253): View more from Washington

no more ever clear

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(253): so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning (1-253): because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha' (253): no more ever clear http://tfl.nu/f9lp

Replies (33) Good night (7580) Bad night (1227)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

how was last night?

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

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(908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl

Replies (32) Good night (6493) Bad night (3226)
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(406): View more from Montana

That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.

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(406): That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub. http://tfl.nu/1hw4

Replies (4) Good night (3131) Bad night (993)
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(248): View more from Michigan

the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

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(248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky http://tfl.nu/6tb5

Replies (22) Good night (8905) Bad night (1488)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.

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(828): I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm. http://tfl.nu/jyta

Replies (19) Good night (874) Bad night (4731)
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(310): View more from California

It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw

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(310): It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw http://tfl.nu/ozdy

Replies (12) Good night (2930) Bad night (688)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy

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(989): I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy http://tfl.nu/as9c

Replies (5) Good night (2560) Bad night (657)
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(514): View more from Quebec

its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky

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(514): its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky http://tfl.nu/m4rl

Replies (3) Good night (911) Bad night (845)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.

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(270): We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/4qrz

Replies (5) Good night (377) Bad night (683)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine

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(307): yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine http://tfl.nu/zlw1

Replies (0) Good night (376) Bad night (201)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows

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(785): Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows http://tfl.nu/dob8

Replies (1) Good night (124) Bad night (171)

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