Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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