No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.