Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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