Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
