they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
