So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
bring money and cleavage
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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