When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
