I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
