I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
