I am midnight drunk by noon
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
