there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You took a bar mat shot.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
