I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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