It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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