There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just invented taco cereal.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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