I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
