Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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