you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
