I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Alive.
So much puke
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
