It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
