Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
