Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
