yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
