I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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