After last night, I could never be a politician.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
