her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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